Couples are formed by two individuals who can be completely different. Occasionally, we do not perceive reality the same way and this makes us feel and think different ways. When confronted by an infertility diagnosis, each member in the couple has their own way of reacting to the matter. When those thoughts are felt in a similar way, then it’s easier to make decisions. However,…how to react when this is not the case?
Communication is vital
• We should not try to convince the other that our version is more valuable, as we could provoke the partner to want to defend his/hers with more force.
• Try to keep the tone of the conversations as calm as possible.
• The context of the conversation is important. You have to avoid, in the way possible, to talk when angry.
• We should feel like a team that decides together. Not that the other is an opponent who must be won.
• It would be very effective to pick up feelings from the other person and express ours with the aim to understand the emotional significance of our views and hence be able to reflect on them.
There is a couple of words worth reviewing…
• We should work on our preferences, what we would like to happen and what is happening in reality (I would prefer a spontaneous pregnancy, but am assisting a fertility clinic because this does not happen…)
• We should reevaluate our priorities. The order of importance that occupies our wishes (my priority is to have a family, taking a step forward from wishing a spontaneous pregnancy or an assisted reproduction treatment).
Evaluate options when confronted by an infertility diagnosis
On occasions we also value the options or the successes before they occur therefor there is no real emotional connection.
This evaluation can take us to make decisions which the other partner can see as a definitive option, when in reality we cannot predict how we will feel and if we will change our opinion when such action occurs. This said, we should go step by step so there is no mixture of emotions and so we can decide together in a more adequate way how to confront the infertility diagnosis.
To work on these confrontations or difference of opinions its possible to come to the Psychology department at Barcelona IVF, so we can help you reflect on the new situation generated by the infertility diagnosis.
Don’t hesitate to contact us.